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??? = Maybelline New York XXL volume + length (TM) microfiber mascara

January 5, 2008 – 3:43 pm

Let’s play a game, readers! (If there are any of you out there yet.) I think of it as What is this a metaphor for? but I’m willing to accept suggestions for cleverer names.

Here are the rules: I pick an object, describe it to you, and you tell me what it’s a metaphor for. I pick a winner, who gets four million Amanda points. Amanda points are redeemable for good will and best wishes in any of several participating universes.

This week’s source domain object is my recently purchased Maybelline New York XXL volume + length (TM) microfiber mascara.

The story behind this object is as follows. In December, I lost my makeup bag somewhere, which was especially annoying as I had just bought a couple of rather nice things from Clinique, including mascara. I didn’t want to spend so much again so soon, especially not just before Christmas, so the next time I was in the grocery store I just grabbed the nearest on-sale package of mascara off the wall and tossed it in the cart. I think I was also attracted by the promise of “XXL volume + length,” but it was far from a considered decision.

The next morning I snicked the molded plastic off the cardboard backing, took out the mascara, and prepared to paint an inch thick. I grasped the black cap in my right hand, like so:

I unscrewed the cap and drew it out of the container, as I thought. But in my right hand (I’m right-handed) I had, not a mascara wand, which I had expected, but the container, like so:

In my left hand was the mascara wand, like so:

Turns out there’s two containers of stuff in the tube, one of which is mascara, the other of which is some kinda white pre-mascara treatment stuff with its own separate wand, like so:

So, readers: What is this a metaphor for? What enigmatic thing is there out there in the world that can be better understood by comparing it to Maybelline New York XXL volume + length (TM) microfiber mascara?